Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
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He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
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