honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
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