my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
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He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
im trying to stop thinking of him and his amazing dick. every time i do i snap myself with a rubber band. classical conditioning at its finest...and you said i wouldnt learn anything from psychology.
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
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Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
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