She went from zero to smokin in five shots
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
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