Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
Randomize
