The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
Randomize