so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
I was watching truelife I'm transgendered. This tranny already got a date a week after getting a vagina. I've had a vagina my entire life and can't get a date.
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
Randomize
