The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
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should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
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in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight