if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life