You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
19 Unhappily Married People Confess The Red Flags They Ignored
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
These 23 People Destroyed Their Entire Lives In An Instant
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.