i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
21 Porn Stars Confess What Sex Is Really Like On Set
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
19 People That Found Pubes In All The Wrong Places
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
It was a book called Gay Safari.
I'm so happy for you now that you have found your perfect porn novel.
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn