im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
These 33 Eskimo Brothers Boinked The Same Person And Couldn’t Be More Proud
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
I still can't believe that I ate McDonald's off of my chest in his bed...
Cross faded me is not the classiest.
No not at all haha I wish there was a picture of that
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.