I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.