you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
27 People Confess Their Proudest Fap
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
29 Unspoken Rules Of “Bro Code”
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?