He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
I booty called her while she was in labor.
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
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