My sheets look like a crime scene.
she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
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At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
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I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
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