Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
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