it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
Randomize
