I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
it's like iHOP with fire
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
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