Barsexuality is the new black.
When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
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