Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
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