I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
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Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
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I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
This can only be settled by a dance off.
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
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