It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
Randomize
