I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
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