i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
Randomize
