I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
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