i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
If you can't do the LSAT hung over. You can't do the LSAT. That's the real practice.
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
Randomize
