id be glad to
My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
These 19 Guys Hit The Cougar Jackpot
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
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I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH