What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos