So drunk, too bad you don't want this
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
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If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
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I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr