Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
23 Theme Park Employees Confess The Biggest Adult Tantrums They’ve Witnessed
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
23 Crazy Psychological Tricks You Have To Try on Someone RIGHT NOW
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"