Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
he fucked my hip out of place.
Guys Hate When Girls Do These 29 Cringeworthy Things
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
25 Men Confess The Moment They Knew They Wanted To Marry Their Wife
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?