Kroger has a sale on economy packs of some ridic brand of condom with a smiley devil heart on it $4.99 for 24
Sounds like a baby waitign to happen
I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
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Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
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Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.