You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
Randomize
