Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
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