Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
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