Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
21 Horribly Evil Pranks To Play On Your Drunk Friends
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
29 Times Beach Sex Ended With Sand In All The Wrong Places
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.