oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??