I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
27 Parents Confess Shocking Secrets Their Kids Don’t Know
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
I just googled if crying burns calories
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
These 23 People Had The Most Insane Spring Breaks Ever
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno