I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
Randomize
