Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
Woman Using Lunch Break To Find Another Job Gets Hilariously Snitched On By The Local News
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
28 ‘Thanks For Coming To My Ted Talk Tweets’ Funnier And More Informative Than An Actual Ted Talk
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.