I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
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