is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
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