The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
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As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
My penis needs a shock collar
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
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you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
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