why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
Randomize
