So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
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