i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
He passed out mid-signature
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
Randomize
