dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
Confirm your location. A cross street is best, but if google mapping yourself is your least-shameful option go for it. ps- going through his mail for an actual address is always an option.
i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
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