Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
Randomize
