so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
i used baking grease as lip gloss
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
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