how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
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