So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
Randomize
