I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
Randomize
