just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
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