bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
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