so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
They took my balls.
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
Randomize
