I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
meet me or not, i'm out of control
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
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He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
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My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."