He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
There was a lot of him and a little penis
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.