Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
Randomize