I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
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