i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
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