Don't be a dummy cum on the tummy. Make her a slut, and cum in her butt. Have no fear, jizz in her ear. Don't be a noob, cum on her boob. Forget her rack, blow on her back. Just take off your coat and jizz in her throat. And if she seals off her holes, cum in her rolls
is that a poem?!
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
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Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
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Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
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