dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
Pussy?
how
Wat do u mean how?
i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
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