I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
he told me I talked like a deaf person
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
Randomize
