Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
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Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
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I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
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